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Navigating womanhood as a lesbian comes with many frustrations. In response to the alienation that gay women may feel from this, some lesbians choose to embrace their own interpretation of womanhood in the form of two popular labels: butch and femme. In fact it’s far from it. Similarly, the rejection of feminine gender norms by butches is intrinsically radical: it empowers lesbians to renounce patriarchal standards of beauty, giving them relative freedom to present in whichever way they feel most comfortable.

I know it’s area dependant, but I still have questions. As I’m sure you do too! So that’s why I put this up. I almost never contact anyone on OK.

Butch and femme are terms used in the lesbian subculture [1] to ascribe or acknowledge a masculine butch or feminine femme identity with its associated traits, behaviors, styles, self-perception, and so on. This concept has been called a “way to organize sexual relationships and gender and sexual identity”. Both the expression of individual lesbians of butch and femme identities and the relationship of the lesbian community in general to the notion of butch and femme as an organizing principle for sexual relating varied over the course of the 20th century.

The word femme is taken from the French word for woman. The word butch , meaning “masculine”, may have been coined by abbreviating the word butcher , as first noted in George Cassidy’s nickname, Butch Cassidy. There is debate about to whom the terms butch and femme can apply, and particularly whether transgender individuals can be identified in this way.

For example, Jack Halberstam argues that transgender men cannot be considered butch, since it constitutes a conflation of maleness with butchness. He further argues that butch—femme is uniquely geared to work in lesbian relationships. On the other hand, writer Jewelle Gomez mused that butch and femme women in the earlier twentieth century may have been expressing their closeted transgender identity.

Scholars such as Judith Butler and Anne Fausto-Sterling suggest that butch and femme are not attempts to take up “traditional” gender roles. Instead, they argue that gender is socially and historically constructed, rather than essential, “natural”, or biological. The femme lesbian historian Joan Nestle argues that femme and butch may be seen as distinct genders in and of themselves. It is not uncommon for women with a butch appearance to face harassment or violence.

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Online dating as a lesbian, for the most part, still involves having to deal with men. Many sites continue to surface guys as potential mates, despite setting your preferences otherwise. Up until recently, some of the nation has acted as though lesbianism didn’t exist outside of porn and Ellen Degeneres, and acted as if girls only turn to dating women if they had a bad experience with a man. This, of course, is not true. If you’re reading this, it’s probably because you’ve experienced the frustration with dating sites and apps that claim to be inclusive to all sexual orientations, only to realize that some closeted quirks make it obvious that the straights are the target.

Our pick for the best app specifically for lesbians is HER : The fact that it’s made by queer women for queer women is a breath of fresh air, and knowing that men showing up is next to impossible is so nice.

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How Butch/Femme Subcultures Allow Gay Women to Thrive

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No matter your method, dating isn’t easy. You can post up in your local watering hole and keep your eyes peeled for a gal or nonbinary person who strikes your fancy. You could ask your friends to set you up with one of their friends. Or you could join a club, take a class, or get engaged with a queer advocacy group where you’re likely to meet like-minded romantic interests.

But in this age of living so much of our lives through the Internet, many queer singles are picking up their phones to try and find a new partner. And if you’re thinking of trying your luck on the apps, you’re far from alone. A recent study conducted by Match. And in , the year the survey was conducted, 46 percent of single queer folks had met their beau over the last year. And overall, half of all singles in the U. Ready to join them? We rounded up the best lesbian dating apps on the market, to get you on the road to finding your new main squeeze.

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